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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55709) - you deserved it (4772)
On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States
Today, I went Christmas shopping for my cat. I still haven't bought presents for my family, yet my cat already has several small gifts under the tree and an outfit to wear around the house. I really need a new hobby. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7088) - you deserved it (23003)
On 12/13/2012 at 6:04am - animals - by catlover - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5386) - you deserved it (26380)
On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (6910)
On 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by Cookie (woman) - South Africa
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30600) - you deserved it (7016)
On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20752) - you deserved it (2760)
On 10/02/2011 at 1:15am - work - by katt_is_here (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28407) - you deserved it (285)
On 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8802) - you deserved it (28407)
On 06/07/2011 at 3:50am - intimacy - by Kate (woman) - United States (California)
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30170) - you deserved it (24883)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10258) - you deserved it (25888)
On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19191) - you deserved it (2904)
On 09/02/2010 at 7:51pm - misc - by AmICrappyEveryOtherDay (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15699) - you deserved it (1677)
On 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14069) - you deserved it (3957)
On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19855) - you deserved it (4636)
On 02/07/2010 at 10:19pm - animals - by zzdug (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33969) - you deserved it (9029)
On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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