About vucui : I like ham sandwiches.
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vucui's favorite FMLs
by madisonbubch / 09/22/2014 at 9:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by sorrynotsorry / 08/18/2014 at 10:59pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I went to spend my last $50 on gas, since I get paid in 5 days. I paid for the gas and stepped into the restroom briefly. I came out, only to discover that the attendant had put the gas on the wrong pump, and someone had used it for themselves. My tank is empty. FML
by ItsJustMe1616 / 06/15/2014 at 1:13am / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:47am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2013 at 1:31pm / France / Health
Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML
by AFSDALK:AFSDQWE / 11/23/2013 at 1:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/16/2013 at 8:03pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML
by s3xygrandpa / 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Asshole hornet / 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by so_screwed / 09/25/2013 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML
by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work
by /(•'_'•)\ / 09/07/2013 at 12:59pm / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I had my first date in almost four years. Twenty minutes into our dinner date, I excused myself to use the ladies room. When I came back, not only was he gone, but there was also a security guard waiting to walk me out. I still have no clue why he left or why I got kicked out. FML
by thissinglelife / 09/06/2013 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I finally got up the courage to talk to my four-year boyfriend about how insecure I've been feeling in our relationship recently, and how I needed his support while I try to get my self-esteem back on-track. He fell asleep mid-conversation. FML
by Anonymous / 09/05/2013 at 2:47am / United Kingdom (Warrington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML
by Parenting... / 08/27/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Texas) / Kids
- Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about… Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle… Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we…