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This isn't what should be happening
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50 favourites
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Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52453) - you deserved it (6447)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49015) - you deserved it (2366)
On 05/19/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36302) - you deserved it (2180)
On 05/18/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by trgtyo (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7514) - you deserved it (37004)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31888) - you deserved it (16913)
On 05/18/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42266) - you deserved it (7008)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:48am - health - by barbie (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is 2 miles away from the park. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34244) - you deserved it (2385)
On 05/17/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by gameguy3424 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15932) - you deserved it (28673)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by Richocet - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24549) - you deserved it (106549)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139939) - you deserved it (32576)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, the guy I liked came over for dinner with some friends. One of them asked him if we were dating, he became so distraught he started to choke on the food I had made, in his haste to tell them that in no uncertain terms, were we together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37598) - you deserved it (2736)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:05am - love - by frenchpie - Korea Republic of (Cholla-bukto)
Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38397) - you deserved it (6781)
On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22094) - you deserved it (59290)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (53881) - you deserved it (4291)
On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82866) - you deserved it (3657)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Friday 24 May 2013
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