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Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7418) - you totally deserved it (21042)
On 10/02/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by apowell5 - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30124) - you totally deserved it (2210)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm - money - by shouldagone2work (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27462) - you totally deserved it (7468)
On 08/25/2009 at 8:54am - love - by kalazoo21 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30615) - you totally deserved it (1350)
On 08/20/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by tommy3824 (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my grandma went to get my twin sister and I a birthday gift. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute, cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32281) - you totally deserved it (1987)
On 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by twingirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML
I agree, your life sucks (12804) - you totally deserved it (25909)
On 08/09/2009 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
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On 07/21/2009 at 6:42am - intimacy - by picturemenakedbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30306) - you totally deserved it (6896)
On 07/01/2009 at 12:41am - love - by Bulldogs09 - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML
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On 06/30/2009 at 7:20am - love - by annoyedguy (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, there was a meeting at work. I had to give a presentation to my boss and the other attendants. My first subject was on how my 5 year old son got to my briefcase and replaced the contents of it with crayons and a stuffed teddy bear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29982) - you totally deserved it (2676)
Today, I was at a party. The music changed to a slow dance. Everybody grabbed a partner and I was left on the dancefloor alone. Suddenly, this guy walks up to me. I swore that he was going to ask me to dance. He then says: "Could you hold me my drink?" and goes to dance with another girl. FML
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On 06/07/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32925) - you totally deserved it (7505)
On 06/06/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by imfromtexas02 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML
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On 05/18/2009 at 8:22am - kids - by BeatenUpPup (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (157422) - you totally deserved it (10525)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
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On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)
