About vladimirnabokov : I like key lime pie and talking.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
The rules are the rules
Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36328) - you deserved it (9955)
On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30288) - you deserved it (14054)
On 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm - health - by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24850) - you deserved it (33448)
On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43383) - you deserved it (4508)
On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada
Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41376) - you deserved it (6229)
On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)
Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17949) - you deserved it (61590)
On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)
Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38481) - you deserved it (4102)
On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32410) - you deserved it (3529)
On 04/18/2013 at 3:54am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24977) - you deserved it (4231)
On 04/08/2013 at 4:30am - work - by Anonymous -
Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24860) - you deserved it (3221)
On 04/05/2013 at 7:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was telling my aunt that I had achieved my blue belt in karate. Looking at my short hair, she says, "You're going to end up a lesbian." Thanks Aunt L. Love you too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22636) - you deserved it (3100)
On 04/01/2013 at 8:15pm - misc - by colorguard13 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28577) - you deserved it (13572)
On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33457) - you deserved it (5745)
Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34712) - you deserved it (5203)
On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26982) - you deserved it (4967)
On 03/22/2013 at 3:15pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Calabria)
Friday 24 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
