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vladimirnabokov

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vladimirnabokov
  • Town/Country : Woodridge, Illinois, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 April 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 545
  • Number of comments : 120
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About vladimirnabokov : I like key lime pie and talking.

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vladimirnabokov's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

#20669248
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36328) - you deserved it (9955)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

#20667310
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30288) - you deserved it (14054)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm - health - by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

#20657087
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24850) - you deserved it (33448)

On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43383) - you deserved it (4508)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

#20637157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41376) - you deserved it (6229)

On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17949) - you deserved it (61590)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

#20621115
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38481) - you deserved it (4102)

On 04/25/2013 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

#20601546
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32410) - you deserved it (3529)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:54am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

#20580301
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24977) - you deserved it (4231)

On 04/08/2013 at 4:30am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I regretfully confessed to my parents I have trichotillomania. There was a torturous pause, followed by the question, "Are you gay?" FML

#20575858
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24860) - you deserved it (3221)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:23am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was telling my aunt that I had achieved my blue belt in karate. Looking at my short hair, she says, "You're going to end up a lesbian." Thanks Aunt L. Love you too. FML

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

#20564125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28577) - you deserved it (13572)

On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML

#20557644
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33457) - you deserved it (5745)

On 03/24/2013 at 6:20am - misc - by theawesome129 - Canada

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34712) - you deserved it (5203)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

#20555131
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26982) - you deserved it (4967)

On 03/22/2013 at 3:15pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Calabria)



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