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vivaladino's favorite FMLs
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2010 at 4:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
by vikinggirl / 09/13/2010 at 5:14am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML
by edwinduarte1 / 09/13/2010 at 2:49am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 10:04am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous
Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML
by stood-up / 09/12/2010 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I found out why I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in my pillow case, and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick, and he could have my XBox. FML
by fuzzy1895 / 09/11/2010 at 1:31am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML
by drew / 09/07/2010 at 1:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, after going on a blind date with a man I had met on facebook, we decided to go back to his apartment. All was going good until he took off his pants, only to reveal that he was wearing a diaper. FML
by anonymous / 09/06/2010 at 3:37am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML
by wakinginvegas87 / 09/05/2010 at 11:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by pencilring / 09/04/2010 at 10:08am / United States / Love
Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML
Today, at a restaurant, I was joking around trying to make my friend laugh by pretending to be a ninja. I did this by putting my napkin in front of my face. I happened to look over at another table and saw that a lady wearing a burqa was giving me the most evil glare I have ever seen in my life. FML
by CrushAdrenaline / 08/27/2010 at 5:46am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/26/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love
by Aaron / 08/26/2010 at 1:33am / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
by groomsman / 08/24/2010 at 8:19am / United States (Michigan) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…