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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7228) - you deserved it (27999)
On 10/26/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by munchkin - Sent from mobile version
Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76489) - you deserved it (5465)
On 06/02/2009 at 8:19am - intimacy - by Ariel (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24631) - you deserved it (48837)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15252) - you deserved it (37215)
On 05/19/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (142312) - you deserved it (32745)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22145) - you deserved it (59383)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19436) - you deserved it (61866)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)
Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6132) - you deserved it (59039)
On 05/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by t-dawg (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62973) - you deserved it (33500)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56423) - you deserved it (6608)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)
Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40464) - you deserved it (6524)
On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22245) - you deserved it (64564)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (213037) - you deserved it (10187)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
I agree, your life sucks (19113) - you deserved it (74873)
On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (50623) - you deserved it (2803)
On 05/03/2009 at 12:16am - kids - by itswhateverr (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 17 June 2013
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