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velvel's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML
by Anonymous / 01/27/2011 at 12:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 12:40am / Egypt / Animals
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Health
Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 1:45am / United States / Work
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2010 at 2:03pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 8:05am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML
by katybaby / 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2010 at 9:55pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML
by agstadra / 12/08/2010 at 10:24am / Canada / Transportation
by newmother / 12/05/2010 at 8:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 2:35am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney…