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velvel

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velvel
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5464
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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velvel's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

#16041715
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12483) - you deserved it (25630)

On 05/04/2011 at 5:11am - misc - by Derps (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

#16016307
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35743) - you deserved it (9491)

On 05/02/2011 at 4:34am - intimacy - by ohtheshame -

Today, I found myself crying for an hour when my recreated crush on The Sims 3 game rejected my character and ran off with someone else. FML

#15978808
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15385) - you deserved it (48651)

On 04/29/2011 at 3:34pm - love - by Nxydolli (man) - United Kingdom (Durham)

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

#15974140
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42482) - you deserved it (3197)

On 04/29/2011 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML

#15964588
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39793) - you deserved it (4169)

On 04/28/2011 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML

#15947256
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25550) - you deserved it (15935)

On 04/27/2011 at 10:05am - animals - by scarred4life (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10134) - you deserved it (28929)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

#15934305
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42370) - you deserved it (5387)

On 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by Scarlett - United States (Washington)

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

#15896173
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28177) - you deserved it (3958)

On 04/23/2011 at 9:11am - health - by cdn_steed - United States (New York)

Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML

#15883377
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73130) - you deserved it (5503)

On 04/22/2011 at 7:11am - intimacy - by Damian -

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

#15779610
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14169) - you deserved it (27115)

On 04/14/2011 at 12:37am - misc - by wowimscrewed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

#15714709
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18789) - you deserved it (32152)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm - animals - by Sid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

#15714143
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19835) - you deserved it (26790)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:24pm - love - by Arran (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

#15693395
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10880) - you deserved it (47087)

On 04/08/2011 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

#15680012
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32678) - you deserved it (2736)

On 04/07/2011 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by kharrington - United States (Connecticut)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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