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velvel's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML
by Derps / 05/04/2011 at 5:11am / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
by Nxydolli / 04/29/2011 at 3:34pm / United Kingdom (Durham) / Geek
by Anonymous / 04/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/28/2011 at 3:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by scarred4life / 04/27/2011 at 10:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Scarlett / 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by cdn_steed / 04/23/2011 at 9:11am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML
by wowimscrewed / 04/14/2011 at 12:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Sid / 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML
by Arran / 04/09/2011 at 8:24pm / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/08/2011 at 11:30am / United States / Health
Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML
by kharrington / 04/07/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
- Today, I was getting frisky with my girlfriend. It was going well until we had to put our clothes… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…