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velvel's favorite FMLs
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML
by Jakub89 / 06/05/2011 at 4:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Loveless / 06/05/2011 at 8:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML
by yup / 06/05/2011 at 3:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by longlostkid556 / 06/05/2011 at 12:14am / United States (California) / Love
by wooowmom / 06/04/2011 at 9:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by trev / 05/30/2011 at 12:12pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health
Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2011 at 4:28am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML
by kingpin9219 / 05/30/2011 at 12:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML
by milkymoo / 05/29/2011 at 9:45pm / Cyprus / Work
Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML
by Imaman / 05/28/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML
by nicole / 05/27/2011 at 4:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by fatteningmeup / 05/26/2011 at 10:24am / United States / Health
Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML
by lovingpsychosis / 05/26/2011 at 3:53am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love
Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML
by explosiveBAM / 05/26/2011 at 1:04am / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
by Chels / 05/11/2011 at 1:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy