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velvel's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 6:38pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 12:41am / United States (New York) / Love
by gb / 08/18/2011 at 1:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Anon / 08/16/2011 at 2:27am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
by Username / 08/13/2011 at 7:45am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML
by brittbrat4 / 08/13/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Florida) / Kids
by James / 08/12/2011 at 3:54am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/11/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML
by Creeped_out_n_stuck / 08/05/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML
by Tootie / 07/30/2011 at 2:58am / United States (Michigan) / Work
by smokin / 07/26/2011 at 5:22pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML
by sisi9999 / 07/25/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
by Anonymous / 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML
by Anonymous / 07/21/2011 at 6:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
by John / 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Love