velvel

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velvel

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9135
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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velvel's page activity

Visits<b>KyoshiroT</b> - the 10/31/2016 at 2:10am<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 3:49pm<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 10:04am<b>biggredd75</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 10:50pm<b>lungjiao</b> - the 05/16/2016 at 2:31pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 10:42pm<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 10:54am<b>DerSuldam</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 4:13pm<b>just_a_person9</b> - the 04/01/2016 at 5:13pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 7:19pm<b>shebewoofle</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 11:46pm<b>mistykitten</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 11:10am<b>ratman775</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 7:05pm<b>KabamWolf</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 11:17am<b>WordBea</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 2:55pm<b>ahmadmuneer</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 12:31am<b>Dangerousreaper</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 3:11am<b>XmasaX</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 5:04pm

Fucked!<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 4:05pm<b>Mukuro</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 7:05pm

velvel's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of velvel's badges

velvel's favorite FMLs

Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML

by cduran2011 / 10/14/2011 at 11:23am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

by G / 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 11:23am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I was playing video games at 2am. My guinea pig started squealing at me, and wouldn't stop until I turned out the lights and got into bed. I'm 20 years old, and I've let a rodent dictate my bedtime. FML

by Beeisc00l / 10/05/2011 at 2:58pm / Reserved / Animals

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

by Pissed / 10/05/2011 at 11:29am / Australia / Kids

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

by Username / 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

by sorenips / 10/03/2011 at 7:19pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

by Kayt / 10/03/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

by FirstStringQB / 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got pulled over for distracted driving. Not for cell phone use but for nose picking and inspecting. FML

by jj4320 / 09/17/2011 at 4:37am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

by D / 09/09/2011 at 5:59am / United Kingdom / Animals