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velocraptor

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velocraptor

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  • Number of visits : 870
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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velocraptor's page activity

Visits<b>thatkidyouknow1</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 11:01pm<b>Shellytullis1998</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 1:41pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/14/2009 at 1:13pm<b>Htownmichigan</b> - the 09/03/2009 at 2:30am<b>elisablueee</b> - the 08/22/2009 at 10:15am

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velocraptor's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my boyfriend's father for the first time. We were at a restaurant and my bofriend kept playing footsie with me under the table. When my boyfriend excused himself to go to the restroom, the game of footsie was still going on. FML

#5519699
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46571) - you deserved it (3954)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by ohcrap (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

#5407615
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37971) - you deserved it (15323)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

#5349169
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36625) - you deserved it (7874)

On 09/19/2009 at 10:37am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger then me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

#5254272
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23696) - you deserved it (39187)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by nen_00 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML

#5243719
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19708) - you deserved it (5106)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54565) - you deserved it (2924)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

#4958000
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85608) - you deserved it (5116)

On 08/31/2009 at 6:05pm - kids - by beya (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

#4882481
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62976) - you deserved it (16001)

On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

#4713882
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36205) - you deserved it (4108)

On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by Ben (man) - United States

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

#4672894
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9262) - you deserved it (60190)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

#2932416
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72911) - you deserved it (5395)

On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

#2526721
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66020) - you deserved it (5979)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:08am - kids - by fallsdownplenty45 (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)



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