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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20478) - you deserved it (1384)
On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30191) - you deserved it (6966)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23930) - you deserved it (3040)
On 07/24/2012 at 7:44pm - love - by Arthurie (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17738) - you deserved it (1701)
On 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm - kids - by Jessi (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17776) - you deserved it (889)
On 07/22/2012 at 12:50am - work - by c - United States (Louisiana)
Today, while I was walking home alone, a homeless man approached me and took me by the hand. Apparently, he's been watching me for weeks and has fallen madly in love with me. He told me not to worry, though; he's not a rapist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26743) - you deserved it (1442)
Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14414) - you deserved it (2560)
On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)
Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23785) - you deserved it (2627)
On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8278) - you deserved it (15985)
On 07/07/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by totallyembarassed - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20659) - you deserved it (1122) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29124) - you deserved it (2902)
On 07/03/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by BunniesOnAcid - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22931) - you deserved it (3474)
On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17465) - you deserved it (1059)
On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18871) - you deserved it (10827)
On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18565) - you deserved it (2750)
On 06/22/2012 at 3:28am - work - by me - United States (Indiana)
Friday 24 May 2013
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