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vegemute

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1506
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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vegemute's favorite FMLs

Today, I got called a f***ing b**ch by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML

#10851356
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44945) - you deserved it (6543)

On 05/29/2010 at 10:36pm - work - by love_today - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I just realized the harder my girlfriend comes during sex, the louder she snores after. I've tried earplugs but sometimes, like tonight, once I am up, I can't fall back to sleep. My choices are thus great sex and no sleep, or great sleep but no sex. FML

#10398806
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37254) - you deserved it (5156)

On 05/07/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by SkiMaskFukd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

#9143571
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36637) - you deserved it (2913)

On 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm - misc - by disturbed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

#8368269
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25119) - you deserved it (2388)

On 02/17/2010 at 5:49am - love - by LoveDrug (woman) - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML

#7907702
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12019) - you deserved it (35863)

On 02/05/2010 at 3:17pm - love - by topfisherman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

#7631341
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31630) - you deserved it (6372)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by Crap (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

#7404915
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36509) - you deserved it (3488)

On 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm - kids - by Michele (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

#7290118
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27698) - you deserved it (3695)

On 01/11/2010 at 10:40pm - health - by brileyyyy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

#6741801
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5092) - you deserved it (33501)

On 12/13/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by MissSmarts (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

#6635616
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (9500)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm - intimacy - by Ballhugger (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

#6537885
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31000) - you deserved it (8704)

On 11/30/2009 at 7:19pm - misc - by Stressmess - United States (Vermont)

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

#6482336
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30054) - you deserved it (9103)

On 11/27/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my telephone line was hit by lightning. I discovered that not only will lightning fry a router, it will also destroy any PCs connected to that router via network cables. I also discovered that a $10 phone line surge protector would have saved nearly $3,000 worth of PC equipment. FML

#6021416
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11874) - you deserved it (33129)

On 10/27/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by MotherNatureMustDie (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

#5942211
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51436) - you deserved it (2733)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:30am - misc - by scarred - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

#5826781
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19935) - you deserved it (8450)

On 10/14/2009 at 9:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)



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