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vegemute

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vegemute
  • Town/Country : Australia
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1050
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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vegemute's favorite FMLs

Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can't open the door. FML

#19533059
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20437) - you deserved it (3036) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/26/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Magicgwen - Sent from mobile version

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

#19514689
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24693) - you deserved it (3903)

On 04/23/2012 at 12:04am - love - by gottalovefriends - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

#19495403
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19638) - you deserved it (4926)

On 04/19/2012 at 12:08pm - misc - by ajnmegs - United States (Colorado)

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

#19482788
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27256) - you deserved it (2370)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

#19482004
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16828) - you deserved it (1538)

On 04/17/2012 at 12:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

#19479496
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17557) - you deserved it (4788)

On 04/16/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by orangechicken (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

#19470748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6943) - you deserved it (29627)

On 04/15/2012 at 2:49am - love - by needurlove (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15273) - you deserved it (43100)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15273) - you deserved it (43100)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML

#19430484
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19819) - you deserved it (4403)

On 04/08/2012 at 2:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML

#18641039
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27643) - you deserved it (6484)

On 12/29/2011 at 1:47am - misc - by Snurkles McGree (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

#18334271
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22611) - you deserved it (1596)

On 11/24/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by JWhite - United States (California)

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

#17960824
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8268) - you deserved it (34578)

On 10/11/2011 at 4:53pm - misc - by Massasam - United States

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

#17752221
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4875) - you deserved it (49151)

On 09/15/2011 at 5:22pm - misc - by Cooper491 - Australia (New South Wales)



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