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vegemute

Offline (the 05/03/2015 at 11:08pm) | Search for a member

vegemute

0Fucked!

vegemute
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 March 1999 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3467
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Visits<b>nunes36</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 3:08am<b>aishah77</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 10:02am<b>lola4455</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 11:18pm<b>arasx0</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 5:08pm<b>Araj_Hs</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 6:13am<b>Archangel77</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 6:58am<b>Majjzg</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 6:26am<b>BBlah</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 6:21am<b>bridgetb77</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 7:51pm<b>fatiezzhm</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 7:30am<b>AHSFan</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 9:43am<b>vegasked</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 4:17pm<b>WattledParsley</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 9:41pm<b>jinxy333</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 5:33pm<b>leogirl1992</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 9:00am<b>BrandyFaye</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 8:58pm<b>IndicaPaincakes</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:27pm<b>charliedee</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 10:46pm

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vegemute's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39429) - you deserved it (4079) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8492) - you deserved it (42969)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20962) - you deserved it (1905)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I got all my wisdom teeth out. Have you ever thrown up after mouth surgery? Stomach acid in your bloody gum holes is just as fun as it sounds. FML

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11268) - you deserved it (58847)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

#19608230
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31596) - you deserved it (9716)

On 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by 504-A1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

#19608060
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19752) - you deserved it (2640)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

#19598679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you deserved it (2940)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

#19595886
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25707) - you deserved it (2207)

On 05/09/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by aligator1009 - United States

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

#19586621
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23738) - you deserved it (5522)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:08am - misc - by thepigeonsfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29397) - you deserved it (4709)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

#19586096
365 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46403) - you deserved it (8886)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30800) - you deserved it (1929)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

#19540770
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25566) - you deserved it (1806)

On 04/28/2012 at 2:52am - health - by mark807 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29299) - you deserved it (3302)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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