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vegemute

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vegemute
  • Town/Country : Australia
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1062
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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vegemute's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that my three-year-old daughter has mastered the art of pickpocketing. While I was driving to work this morning, my car broke down. I reached in my pocket to call AAA on my cell, only to find her squirt gun in its place. FML

#19612373
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17985) - you deserved it (2193)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

#19611512
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17729) - you deserved it (1647)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:01pm - animals - by Eric Ngan - Singapore

Today, I got all my wisdom teeth out. Have you ever thrown up after mouth surgery? Stomach acid in your bloody gum holes is just as fun as it sounds. FML

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9488) - you deserved it (53701)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

#19608230
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22085) - you deserved it (6698)

On 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by 504-A1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

#19608060
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17484) - you deserved it (2402)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

#19598679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26075) - you deserved it (2795)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

#19595886
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23497) - you deserved it (2013)

On 05/09/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by aligator1009 - United States

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

#19586621
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17589) - you deserved it (4576)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:08am - misc - by thepigeonsfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27524) - you deserved it (4463)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

#19586096
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43845) - you deserved it (8536)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28867) - you deserved it (1795)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

#19540770
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23922) - you deserved it (1699)

On 04/28/2012 at 2:52am - health - by mark807 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20802) - you deserved it (2162)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

#19539358
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37786) - you deserved it (2463)

On 04/27/2012 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by yosenfal (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)



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