Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

vegemute

Online | Search for a member

vegemute

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1895
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

vegemute's page activity

Visits<b>spork_of_doom</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 9:15pm<b>davotesolono</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 11:35pm<b>notabeachbabe</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 11:55pm<b>football98</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 6:33am<b>Faithilicious123</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 1:53pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 1:02pm<b>dingostacy</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 3:42pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 11:11pm<b>Horsempeg</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 1:27am<b>belljars</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 5:00am<b>bigboi1992</b> - the 04/11/2014 at 3:40am<b>leeebeeeee18</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 10:11am<b>ironfey</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 8:13pm<b>atl904</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 9:53pm<b>jgwyh</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 11:51am<b>mesutozil11</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 12:45am<b>Dswank620</b> - the 03/10/2014 at 6:43am<b>edward80</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 9:19am

vegemute's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of vegemute's badges

vegemute's favorite FMLs

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

#19846265
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26057) - you deserved it (15692)

On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I made a phone call in my office to my doctor. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed "I definitely prefer oral." FML

#19827814
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22914) - you deserved it (3178)

On 06/22/2012 at 3:28am - work - by me - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (5793)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

#19797334
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44509) - you deserved it (2113)

On 06/16/2012 at 3:03pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37190) - you deserved it (4001)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

#19765819
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22174) - you deserved it (5336)

On 06/10/2012 at 2:11pm - money - by Catherine (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

#19730259
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30504) - you deserved it (3007)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML

#19721854
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27586) - you deserved it (2191)

On 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by huh (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

#19720821
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19786) - you deserved it (13134)

On 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

#19720443
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13915) - you deserved it (36483)

On 06/02/2012 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

#19719938
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23446) - you deserved it (4798)

On 06/02/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by lol112 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14978) - you deserved it (28404)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

#19710621
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18698) - you deserved it (38899)

On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

#19710160
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10142) - you deserved it (29580)

On 05/31/2012 at 3:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my little brother got his crush to go out with him by impressing her with his level 500 FarmVille. This is the next generation. FML

#19708903
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27701) - you deserved it (2152)

On 05/31/2012 at 8:43am - kids - by Discouraged - United States (Maryland)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: