vegemute

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vegemute

50Fucked!

vegemutevegemute
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 March 1999 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5881
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About vegemute : Heyhey, my name is Jack. I have a love for survival (Survivorman is my favourite show) as well as science, history, music, cooking and travel, and I'd like to study medicine in future - Docbastard is my idol
I love meeting new people, so chuck me a message. :)

vegemute's page activity

Visits<b>Tripartita</b> - the 07/18/2016 at 12:17pm<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 07/09/2016 at 10:49pm<b>hourglasspieces</b> - the 06/26/2016 at 5:58pm<b>Gngr_Grl</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 10:06pm<b>mutecht99</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 10:14am<b>3szbkp</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 6:29pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 10:41am<b>killer0689</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 2:17am<b>serrentinoj</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 9:26pm<b>princessofbelair</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 8:37pm<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 10:57am<b>agostina_mc</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 10:55am<b>Gladeryn</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 3:07pm<b>WittyMoron</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 2:09pm<b>isnobodyhere</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 1:05pm<b>jentrynicole</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 10:39pm<b>lalala96</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 11:45pm<b>ilovemonkeybutts</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 9:14pm

Fucked!<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 2:43am<b>princessofbelair</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 1:26am<b>serrentinoj</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 12:59pm<b>WittyMoron</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 8:09pm<b>Tori_belle</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 2:13am<b>becca1998</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 4:35pm<b>rynoyhedino</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 7:58am<b>kitkat818</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 11:08am<b>MyUsernameisEpic</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 9:48pm<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 10:07pm<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 5:46pm<b>rookworst</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 2:44pm<b>LexiD19</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 7:04pm<b>KaylaRox1908</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 1:43pm<b>sa5v</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 1:59pm<b>emmarawr17</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 9:49pm<b>lolcaption2324</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 11:55am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 7:46am

vegemute's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of vegemute's badges

vegemute's favorite FMLs

Today, I used fly spray on my muffin tray instead of olive oil. FML

by Delicious / 03/20/2016 at 10:09pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was up late and heard my mother and her boyfriend come home. After a full minute of bed-creaking action, I heard him exclaim, "I did it! A new record, haha!" I can't get it out of my head. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2016 at 3:29am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

by soulaar / 10/02/2015 at 10:22am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 7:43am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2015 at 5:11am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Intimacy

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

by seethroughpee / 05/06/2015 at 1:22am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

by 404: sense not found / 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

by NickJJ / 05/15/2014 at 10:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

by BeatByA9yrold / 04/12/2014 at 3:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

by traumatized / 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

by Parusu / 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

by Evolution mama / 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids