Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Online | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 March 1999 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4665
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About vegemute : Heyhey, my name is Jack. I have a love for survival (Survivorman is my favourite show) as well as science, history, music, cooking and travel, and I'd like to study medicine in future - Docbastard is my idol
I love meeting new people, so chuck me a message. :)

vegemute's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 9:54pm<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 11:46am<b>rookworst</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 8:44am<b>samwilliams800</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 2:36pm<b>LexiD19</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 1:04pm<b>Tezoma</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 12:24am<b>Isabelsxo</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 11:21pm<b>KaylaRox1908</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 7:42am<b>kkorn051212</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 12:48am<b>NoYesNoYesNoYes</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 2:30am<b>Bethaneey</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 11:40pm<b>sa5v</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 9:18am<b>brklynzwolf</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 6:04pm<b>emmarawr17</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 4:49pm<b>cutycat136</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 12:56pm<b>lolcaption2324</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 5:55am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 1:45am<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 9:42pm

Fucked!<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 5:46pm<b>rookworst</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 2:44pm<b>LexiD19</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 7:04pm<b>KaylaRox1908</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 1:43pm<b>sa5v</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 1:59pm<b>emmarawr17</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 9:49pm<b>lolcaption2324</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 11:55am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 7:46am<b>Dogluvr1197</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 12:12am<b>NoYesNoYesNoYes</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 8:33pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 12:36am<b>gimill517</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 6:20am<b>Gabygonzalez9211</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 5:39am<b>imarlee98</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 11:35pm<b>Anais457</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 6:10pm<b>Mons</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 1:33pm<b>Stripes12345</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 12:49am<b>madalyn316</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 12:50am

vegemute's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.


You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of vegemute's badges

vegemute's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21643) - you deserved it (4903)

On 10/02/2015 at 10:22am - misc - by soulaar - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (31483) - you deserved it (3412)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33444) - you deserved it (3375)

On 05/16/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML


I agree, your life sucks (30234) - you deserved it (3800)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML


I agree, your life sucks (59964) - you deserved it (7146)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41619) - you deserved it (17620)

On 05/15/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by NickJJ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39448) - you deserved it (4313)

On 05/02/2014 at 10:04am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44560) - you deserved it (4528)

On 04/12/2014 at 3:59pm - kids - by BeatByA9yrold (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38289) - you deserved it (8864)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (53342) - you deserved it (4216)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44296) - you deserved it (23093)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52834) - you deserved it (4271)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39469) - you deserved it (3490)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: