Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

vanillacocoa

Search for a member

vanillacocoa
  • Town/Country : Tauranga , New Zealand
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 April 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 775
  • Number of comments : 29
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About vanillacocoa : Hi I like pies XD I like rainbows and muffins and unicorns and all sorts of crap you people call random these days. I don't care, im young and LOVIN IT

vanillacocoa's last visitors

euphoriagorillazZaketh2112megcarpyApexReaperFalzouBTF989Bambibotlukeyhoward79236

vanillacocoa's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

See all of vanillacocoa's badges

vanillacocoa's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

#19621354
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7070) - you deserved it (16818)

On 05/14/2012 at 8:40am - misc - by foreverDark - United States (Illinois)

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6771) - you deserved it (37048)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

#19614809
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22768) - you deserved it (2002)

On 05/13/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by vron991 - United States (Delaware)

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9487) - you deserved it (53700)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#19602885
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16297) - you deserved it (4073)

On 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm - misc - by Amy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

#19595886
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23497) - you deserved it (2013)

On 05/09/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by aligator1009 - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

#19590770
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19316) - you deserved it (5285)

On 05/08/2012 at 2:08am - kids - by SomePeoplesKids - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

#19586096
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43846) - you deserved it (8536)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States

Today, my dad found a couple of coins on the floor next to my desk, and gave me a lecture about how money doesn't grow on trees and how irresponsible I am when it comes to money. They were Chuck E. Cheese tokens. FML

#19585247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18156) - you deserved it (2046)

On 05/07/2012 at 12:12am - money - by rofindie (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15310) - you deserved it (27026)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML

#19575645
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7399) - you deserved it (24780)

On 05/05/2012 at 1:01am - animals - by lexii - United States

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

#19561833
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11263) - you deserved it (38061) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

#19561012
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5443) - you deserved it (26292)

On 05/01/2012 at 10:27pm - misc - by BoomHeadshot (woman) - Australia

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

#19554232
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8029) - you deserved it (53118)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

#19552078
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6084) - you deserved it (47169)

On 04/30/2012 at 4:25am - intimacy - by kdehshaden (woman) - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: