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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4940) - you deserved it (45990)
On 12/26/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on ebay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6845) - you deserved it (18110)
On 12/11/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by graospe (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was woken up from a nap by my cat attacking my face. Evidently, my husband thought it would be funny to shine a laser pointer on my cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24744) - you deserved it (2035)
On 10/02/2009 at 6:23pm - love - by Zamaria - Sent from mobile version
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28967) - you deserved it (2940)
On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by Ben (man) - United States
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34919) - you deserved it (8322)
On 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by sandwichsex (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14556) - you deserved it (33318)
On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35300) - you deserved it (9538)
On 07/24/2009 at 2:40am - love - by vanguardwiley (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41807) - you deserved it (6185)
On 07/07/2009 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23433) - you deserved it (47361)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26863) - you deserved it (42313)
On 05/28/2009 at 1:15pm - health - by ITguy1982 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69466) - you deserved it (32923)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (147920) - you deserved it (55398)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27725) - you deserved it (15680)
On 12/26/2008 at 11:07pm - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version
Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML
I agree, your life sucks (35172) - you deserved it (7353)
On 10/25/2008 at 12:54pm - love - by Anonymous -
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