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un1corns's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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un1corns's favorite FMLs
by roostergirl / 08/22/2009 at 11:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML
by tubedout / 07/23/2009 at 3:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
by biker2012 / 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML
by rejected / 04/23/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML
by rejected / 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML
by Creep / 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML
by babysitter / 03/25/2009 at 11:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
by Noname / 03/08/2009 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by E / 03/02/2009 at 12:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by sprocket / 02/28/2009 at 1:55pm / Hong Kong / Love
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend for an hour listening to him talk about his new truck and his final exams. I literally did not say a single word. Just as I said, "Hey baby, guess what happened to me today?", he says, "Can I go to sleep? I'm too tired to guess. Night." FML
by fthis / 01/27/2009 at 12:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
- Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started… Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved… Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours…