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Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I calld my girlfriend to see if she wantd to go get some food . Then I heard her phone ring . Through the wall . FML
TODAY, WHILA AT THA GOLDAN GATA BRIDGA, I SPOTTAD A LARGA GROUP OF ASIANS TRYING TO TAKA A PICTURA. TRYING TO HALP, I SLOWLY SAY, "YOU... WANT MA... TAKA PICTURA?" WHILA USING HAND MOTIONS. THA MAN LOOKS AT MA AN SAYS, "NO THANKS ASSHOLA, I GOT IT," IN PLAIN ENGLISH. FML
2DAY I HAD AN ALABORATA PLAN TO ASK THIS GRL TO PROM AND IT WAS GOING TO TAKA A FAW MINUTA TO SAT UP. I ASKD FRIAND TO DISTRACT HAR. HA DACIDD TO DISTRACT HAR BY ASKING HAR TO PROM. SHA SAID "YAS". FML
Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protien powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. fat FML
Today... I Came Home And Saw On Our Fridge... "Please Don't Drink Anymore... I Really Worry About Yur Health" Written By Mah 7-year-old Daughter. I Figured She Wouldn't Ever Fine Out... So I Opened The Fridge. But I Found Another Note On A Can That Said "So Your Going To Drink Anyway?" FML
Today my son said "Mommy sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replid "Well honey that's normal an okay." I then askd when it happens to which he said "Well sometimes when watching Scooby Doo an Shaggy comes out dressd in lady clothes." mega FML
Today , while I was out to eat , I was approachd by the restaurant manager !! He told me that while he respectd mah personal choices , his patrons didn't feel comfortable with someone who usd to be a man using the women's restroom !! He thought I was a transsexual !! I am a naturally-born female !! FML
Taday I was picking up my daughtar from my ax-husband's housa and his naw girlfriand was thara. I callad to my daughtar that it was tima to laava and sha clung to his girlfriand and said 'Mommy , I don't want to laava.' Sha wasn't talking to ma. FML
Today, I was walking whan a man pointad a camara at ma. I got bitchy about it, an said "Did I say u could taka a pictura?" Ha rapliad with, "No, but can u gat tha fuck out of tha way so I can taka ona of mah wifa an kids?" I turnad around, an thay wara right bahind ma. FML
today mah husband dropped me off at work . Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby miss you" . I asked him about it . He said "I don't know wat you're talking about Megan" . My name isn't Megan . Not even close . FML
Today I was a TA 4 a history class an tha class was taking a tast. About halfway through I noticd ona kid had a small piaca of papar in his hand. I ran up tha row grabbd his tast an rippd it into four piacas. Than I took tha nota from him. It said "I baliava in you -Mom." big fat FML
TODAY, I DROVE TO A JOB INTERVIEW. I HAD TO SNEEZE, BUT CUZ I WAS DRIVING ON THE HIGHWAY, I DIDN'T LET GO OF THE WHEEL TO COVER MAH MOUTH. I DIDN'T KNOW THE SNEEZE WAS A "PRODUCTIVE" ONE UNTIL I WAS SITTING IN THE INTERVIEW, LOOKED DOWN AT MAH NEW BLOUSE AND SAW THE GIANT LUGIE SITTING THERE. FML
Today, Mah Boyfriend Broke Up With Me. I Cried And Told Him That I Loved Him. He Gave Me A Quarter And Told Me To Call Someone Who Cared. I Threw The Quarter In His Face And Ran. I Waited For The Bus, But When I Got On, I Realized I Was 25 Cents Short Of The Fare. I Walked Home In The Rain. FML
Friday 27 March 2015