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umka

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umka

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 3 June 1988 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 818
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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umka's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

#19810073
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42852) - you deserved it (3920)

On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

#19780908
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23204) - you deserved it (4330)

On 06/13/2012 at 5:08am - misc - by pandora (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML

#19714828
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11864) - you deserved it (41246)

On 06/01/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous - Austria (Wien)

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

#19692066
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11102) - you deserved it (16949)

On 05/28/2012 at 2:24am - love - by stalked (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

#19656281
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19643) - you deserved it (4024)

On 05/21/2012 at 8:10am - health - by medosin (woman) - Austria

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's flat. As I came out of the toilet he walked over, took my hand, looked at me and whispered, "You washed your hands. Good." in an extremely creepy manner. FML

#19605689
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18375) - you deserved it (2738)

On 05/11/2012 at 1:03am - misc - by Lizofsmeg (woman) - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

#19605681
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16641) - you deserved it (5107)

On 05/11/2012 at 1:03am - work - by Brown345 (man) - United States

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

#19091459
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22964) - you deserved it (7731)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

#18997714
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12736) - you deserved it (26597)

On 02/05/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by inked - United States (Alabama)

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

#18991669
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31421) - you deserved it (2750) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/04/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by DarkDolly - France

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

#18983389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19832) - you deserved it (21882)

On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

#18983166
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42071) - you deserved it (9131)

On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

#18981474
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15181) - you deserved it (21858)

On 02/03/2012 at 12:25am - misc - by coleslaw (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out why I'm always let off easy when I do something wrong at work. They think I have a mental handicap. I don't. I'm just clumsy and forgetful. FML

#18362430
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23758) - you deserved it (5365)

On 11/27/2011 at 1:02am - work - by Clumsy & Forgetful - Canada

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

#17217334
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32074) - you deserved it (4754)

On 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Roode (man) - United States (West Virginia)



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