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twohot2touch's favorite FMLs
by loveless / 10/18/2009 at 6:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by SheWentCrayola / 10/16/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML
by Few_Absolutes / 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML
by Jennagirl / 10/12/2009 at 10:03am / Australia (South Australia) / Love
by Dora / 10/12/2009 at 9:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML
by Rage / 10/08/2009 at 1:31pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/07/2009 at 7:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Ouchies / 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Icy / 10/01/2009 at 2:59am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I realized that 6 months ago I signed up for a 3 day trial for a porn website that turns into a $30 membership after 3 days. I completely forgot the day after and never viewed it. I've spent $180 so far. And I can't remember my password. FML
by GetMoney / 09/30/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Money
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give an honest answer. At one point, I asked my boyfriend what his favorite position is, to which he quickly answered with no hesitation, "Any one where I don't have to see your face or body." FML
by uglyallover / 09/20/2009 at 10:42am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML
by burnnotice / 09/19/2009 at 10:10am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work and my mother texted me. The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You are even smiling." FML
by asdfas / 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
Today, it is my boyfriend's and my one year anniversary. I bought him a Playstation 2. As soon as I gave it to him, he went straight to set it up without giving me anything. I said "What about me?" He walked over to me, gave me a kiss and said "I love it when you buy me things for no reason." FML
by luvizwar / 09/18/2009 at 7:27pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…