twohot2touch

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twohot2touch

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1267
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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twohot2touch's page activity

Visits<b>tweak2011</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 11:51am<b>tyza</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 2:10pm<b>MalcolmRodrigues</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 4:39am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 9:00pm<b>9inchesSoft</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 8:15am<b>semper_amo</b> - the 06/22/2013 at 5:23pm<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 06/21/2013 at 12:53pm<b>anders09ma</b> - the 06/06/2013 at 11:38pm<b>whatismyusername</b> - the 03/17/2013 at 5:29pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 12:14am<b>WeWereWealth7</b> - the 03/12/2013 at 11:30pm

twohot2touch's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of twohot2touch's badges

twohot2touch's favorite FMLs

Today, I realised that the last three people to see my intimate parts these last weeks were my beautician, my doctor and the lady who did my check up ultra sound. Oh, and I'm married. FML

by loveless / 10/18/2009 at 6:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML

by SheWentCrayola / 10/16/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML

by Few_Absolutes / 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML

by Jennagirl / 10/12/2009 at 10:03am / Australia (South Australia) / Love

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

by Dora / 10/12/2009 at 9:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

by Rage / 10/08/2009 at 1:31pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend. I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2009 at 7:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

by Ouchies / 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

by Icy / 10/01/2009 at 2:59am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I realized that 6 months ago I signed up for a 3 day trial for a porn website that turns into a $30 membership after 3 days. I completely forgot the day after and never viewed it. I've spent $180 so far. And I can't remember my password. FML

by GetMoney / 09/30/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Money

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give an honest answer. At one point, I asked my boyfriend what his favorite position is, to which he quickly answered with no hesitation, "Any one where I don't have to see your face or body." FML

by uglyallover / 09/20/2009 at 10:42am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML

by burnnotice / 09/19/2009 at 10:10am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work and my mother texted me. The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You are even smiling." FML

by asdfas / 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, it is my boyfriend's and my one year anniversary. I bought him a Playstation 2. As soon as I gave it to him, he went straight to set it up without giving me anything. I said "What about me?" He walked over to me, gave me a kiss and said "I love it when you buy me things for no reason." FML

by luvizwar / 09/18/2009 at 7:27pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love