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twohot2touch's favorite FMLs
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 12:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML
by me / 08/08/2011 at 11:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
by anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 1:10am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML
by missunlucky / 02/17/2010 at 7:24pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous
by lonelyman / 11/20/2009 at 2:29am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
by badwife / 11/07/2009 at 5:22am / Japan / Miscellaneous
Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML
by a / 10/31/2009 at 12:14am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother. And my mom texted me asking me to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML
by this_is_fucked / 10/24/2009 at 5:23pm / Zimbabwe (Mashonaland East) / Intimacy
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
by sad_dad / 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML
by meg265 / 10/24/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML
by abdominates / 10/23/2009 at 12:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation
by mandy / 10/22/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation
Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML
by JC / 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous