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twohot2touch

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twohot2touch

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1063
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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twohot2touch's page activity

Visits<b>alexmac222</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 9:00pm<b>9inchesSoft</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 8:15am<b>semper_amo</b> - the 06/22/2013 at 5:23pm<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 06/21/2013 at 12:53pm<b>anders09ma</b> - the 06/06/2013 at 11:38pm<b>whatismyusername</b> - the 03/17/2013 at 5:29pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 12:14am<b>WeWereWealth7</b> - the 03/12/2013 at 11:30pm

twohot2touch's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of twohot2touch's badges

twohot2touch's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19330) - you deserved it (46994)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

#18791715
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12757) - you deserved it (46548)

On 01/13/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36882) - you deserved it (3460)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

#17413127
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28974) - you deserved it (6685)

On 08/08/2011 at 11:43pm - misc - by me - United States

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

#8861010
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9033) - you deserved it (26435)

On 03/06/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

#8382475
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22461) - you deserved it (9051)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:24pm - misc - by missunlucky (woman) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

#6377281
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41443) - you deserved it (6789)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:29am - love - by lonelyman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

#6192797
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36351) - you deserved it (15128)

On 11/07/2009 at 5:22am - misc - by badwife (woman) - Japan

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

#6078051
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37243) - you deserved it (2386)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by a (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother. And my mom texted me asking me to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

#5977598
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18550) - you deserved it (2345)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:23pm - intimacy - by this_is_fucked (woman) - Zimbabwe (Mashonaland East)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33697) - you deserved it (8842)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

#5973387
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39893) - you deserved it (8086)

On 10/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by meg265 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after a long workout I come back to my locker, to find my lock had been cut. I looked inside realizing my phone and ipod had been stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, my keys were gone. I ran out to the parking lot to find an empty spot where my car had once been parked. FML

#5958359
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45858) - you deserved it (2647)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by abdominates (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

#5949212
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21774) - you deserved it (5909)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by mandy (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

#5947832
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9453) - you deserved it (34744)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by JC (man) - United States (California)



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