twilightlove

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twilightlove

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1318
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About twilightlove : FML

twilightlove's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 02/13/2010 at 6:36am<b>ShadowDragon</b> - the 05/04/2009 at 11:45pm<b>ass</b> - the 04/11/2009 at 2:51am<b>bi_chick</b> - the 04/08/2009 at 3:46pm<b>Jasper</b> - the 03/25/2009 at 7:09pm

twilightlove's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

twilightlove's favorite FMLs

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

by mcullen21 / 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

by unicorn / 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

by hdat / 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2009 at 9:24am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML

by Sylvania / 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

by potpurri_needed / 06/10/2009 at 1:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

by sluttydancer / 06/10/2009 at 9:51am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2009 at 9:12am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

by SleepyKirsty / 06/09/2009 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

by emoney / 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous