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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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tw0

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tw0
  • Town/Country : california
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 31 December 1989 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 2789
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About tw0 : i waste alot of time reading these little voyeurisms... along with postsecrets and one sentence. i think its because we lack real contact in our real lives and thus turn to the seductive fantasy of the word and the social illusion afforded by the internet.

tw0's last visitors

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tw0's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

tw0's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

#2428701 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (47722) - you deserved it (14600)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

#796639 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (77019) - you deserved it (5152)

On 04/04/2009 at 4:50am - misc - by vetapplez (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

#572670 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (66786) - you deserved it (6653)

On 03/24/2009 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (78263) - you deserved it (22329)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

#553935 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (68304) - you deserved it (22844)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

#548687 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (51533) - you deserved it (7166)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Ltl_Dust_Bunny (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

#548295 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (17926) - you deserved it (50489)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:46am - intimacy - by whatever (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokemon game. FML

#542382 (453)

I agree, your life sucks (93980) - you deserved it (14501)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML

#498194 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (20349) - you deserved it (98747)

On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

#487098 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (44011) - you deserved it (12191)

On 03/20/2009 at 11:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

#473847 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (97225) - you deserved it (8534)

On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I got a call from the hospital that my fiance was in the ER. When I arrived at the hospital they told me that he had a heart attack while making love. FML

#469613 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (208703) - you deserved it (7653)

On 03/19/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by jmoney (woman) - United States

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

#210139 (50)

I agree, your life sucks (49973) - you deserved it (2678)

On 03/04/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

#19556 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (878) - you deserved it (17114)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by maxthndr (man) - United States