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tumandro

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tumandro
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 3950
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

#2471479
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63825) - you deserved it (10232)

On 05/31/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by fmeplease (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

#2464831
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55525) - you deserved it (7411)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Heather (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

#2464746
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42923) - you deserved it (7553)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - Poland (Katowice)

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

#2463557
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39788) - you deserved it (4545)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML

#2459648
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43853) - you deserved it (4012)

On 05/31/2009 at 9:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Macy's to buy some bras. After I paid, the old lady cashier noticed there was pen on one of the bras. By accident I blurted out "It's alright. No one's seeing them." The old lady nodded back in agreement. FML

#2459641
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37883) - you deserved it (9204)

On 05/31/2009 at 9:04am - misc - by yikes78 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

#2433672
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46579) - you deserved it (20220)

On 05/30/2009 at 2:04pm - animals - by lfssecond - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

#2429850
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47285) - you deserved it (1906)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, it was beautiful out. I decided to play guitar at the park near my house. I left my guitar case open, asking not for money but for feedback. I got two pieces of paper with feedback: 1) You're fat. 2) Get a life. FML

#2429175
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38567) - you deserved it (11156)

On 05/30/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by peopleinthepark (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

#2422362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43327) - you deserved it (3735)

On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States

Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

#2421163
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53450) - you deserved it (5226)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:24am - kids - by sdasdflkjas (woman) - United States

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

#2406787
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17861) - you deserved it (41511)

On 05/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by LALALALA (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

#2401782
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56433) - you deserved it (12548)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

#2401782
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56433) - you deserved it (12548)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)



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