Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About trqskq : I moderate like a bitch. I won't accept FML's if:
- It's got a shit tonne of spelling mistakes.
- It's fucking boring.
- It's ridiculously common.
- It lacks basic punctuation.
- It's a story I've submitted and some other fucker's stolen it and submitted it as their own.
- It's already been posted on the site and some sly fucker thinks they can get away with submitting it a second time.
- It's about FMyLife. I mean come on, people!
- It ends with "Fml" instead of "FML".
- It doesn't have a capital letter at the start or after any full stops.
- It's got smileys in it.
- It makes no fucking sense.
Also, I won't even bother reading your FML if I don't see a "Today" at the start and an "FML" at the end. Anyway, good luck to anyone who submits an FML, I know how hard it is to get it posted on the site!
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Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML