Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About trqskq : I moderate like a bitch. I won't accept FML's if:
- It's got a shit tonne of spelling mistakes.
- It's fucking boring.
- It's ridiculously common.
- It lacks basic punctuation.
- It's a story I've submitted and some other fucker's stolen it and submitted it as their own.
- It's already been posted on the site and some sly fucker thinks they can get away with submitting it a second time.
- It's about FMyLife. I mean come on, people!
- It ends with "Fml" instead of "FML".
- It doesn't have a capital letter at the start or after any full stops.
- It's got smileys in it.
- It makes no fucking sense.
Also, I won't even bother reading your FML if I don't see a "Today" at the start and an "FML" at the end. Anyway, good luck to anyone who submits an FML, I know how hard it is to get it posted on the site!
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Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML
Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML
Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML