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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
trent295's favorite FMLs
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
by mcullen21 / 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML
by twowords / 06/08/2009 at 2:44pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
by Higgs / 06/02/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML
by wtf. / 06/02/2009 at 12:46pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
by M2thaM / 05/29/2009 at 1:23am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car he pepper sprayed me. FML
by Ilovelife07 / 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
by Aether / 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2009 at 5:46pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML
by Litterbox / 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation