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toriicylerr's favorite FMLs
by Sydney / 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous
by Facepalmum / 01/10/2013 at 1:28am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
by thanksmom / 01/09/2013 at 2:57pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by ohgod. / 10/09/2012 at 10:59pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML
by dearbailee / 09/18/2012 at 10:04am / United States / Transportation
Today, I wrote the girl I love a long, gushy letter to convince her to be with me instead of her abusive ex. Later on, I asked her what she thought. She said she can't read cursive. She chose the ex. FML
by tutusaurus / 08/28/2012 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML
by WELLFUCKYOUTOO / 08/14/2012 at 11:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Rose / 07/23/2012 at 7:06pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/19/2012 at 6:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
by ultraattitude / 04/22/2012 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/15/2012 at 9:55am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Health
Today, my roommate and I realised our freezer hasn't been working for days. This would be slightly less awful if she hadn't been storing dead rats for her pet snakes in there. Let's just say the smell is interesting. FML
by damselfly / 03/26/2012 at 8:28pm / Canada (Quebec) / Animals
by ari / 03/19/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a… Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy… Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page…