About toriicylerr : Hey guys; I'm tori ;) message mee
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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toriicylerr's favorite FMLs
by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML
by sydneyp3435 / 06/11/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
by Anonymous / 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Work
by confused / 04/07/2013 at 10:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML
by NotASize0 / 04/04/2013 at 11:12am / Denmark / Miscellaneous
by nobodylovesme / 04/04/2013 at 2:46am / United States (California) / Love
Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML
by Mr.no contacts / 03/31/2013 at 3:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Hooker / 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Work
by soontobesingle / 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Love
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays
by anon / 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm / United States / Health
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've… Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend.… Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or…