toofacedaddict

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toofacedaddict

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  • Number of visits : 911
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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toofacedaddict's page activity

Visits<b>tj4234</b> - the 10/27/2012 at 3:02pm

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50 favourites

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toofacedaddict's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I fell asleep in class. One minute I'm listening to a lecture, and twenty-five minutes later, I'm waking up screaming in agony in front of everyone after biting my tongue in my sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 4:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Intimacy

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 10:25am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML

by strawberrywine22 / 09/27/2012 at 10:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML

by annoyed / 09/27/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

by linn / 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

by burn in hell / 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 7:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, after weeks of dealing with a bad hair cut, my hair finally grew back to my preferred length. Today is also the day my roommate replaced my shampoo with hair remover as a prank. FML

by Hairless freak / 09/23/2012 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML

by ak_6694 / 09/22/2012 at 3:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

by IHateMyLife / 09/22/2012 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2012 at 2:24am / United States / Health

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

by Flighted / 09/22/2012 at 12:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, while at work, I helped my ex-husband pick out a ring for the girl he cheated on me with. FML

by Sad ex-wife / 09/21/2012 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love