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toofacedaddict

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  • Number of visits : 391
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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toofacedaddict's page activity

Visits<b>tj4234</b> - the 10/27/2012 at 3:02pm

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50 favourites

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toofacedaddict's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29867) - you deserved it (5138)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML

#20094225
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26595) - you deserved it (4205)

On 09/29/2012 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

#20093311
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19547) - you deserved it (2078)

On 09/29/2012 at 7:16am - love - by kfenton - United States

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

#20093112
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14700) - you deserved it (15192)

On 09/29/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by mustachioed (woman) - United States

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

#20093027
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25683) - you deserved it (2028)

On 09/29/2012 at 12:08am - health - by cedechan (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

#20092583
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19741) - you deserved it (7445)

On 09/28/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by GEE, THANKS DAD (woman) - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12017) - you deserved it (44811)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I fell asleep in class. One minute I'm listening to a lecture, and twenty-five minutes later, I'm waking up screaming in agony in front of everyone after biting my tongue in my sleep. FML

#20092439
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15260) - you deserved it (9586)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32596) - you deserved it (6552)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

#20092131
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22745) - you deserved it (2258)

On 09/28/2012 at 10:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML

#20091576
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29893) - you deserved it (2274)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:14pm - love - by strawberrywine22 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML

#20091458
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24439) - you deserved it (1820)

On 09/27/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by annoyed - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

#20091141
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35950) - you deserved it (2638)

On 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by linn (woman) - United States

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

#20088350
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28689) - you deserved it (1561)

On 09/25/2012 at 5:28pm - misc - by burn in hell (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

#20084737
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27257) - you deserved it (10869)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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