Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

tomhl

Offline (the 08/24/2015 at 11:12pm) | Search for a member

tomhl

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1021
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

tomhl's page activity

Visits<b>Daaaan</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 6:18pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 1:31am<b>dudecall</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 8:12am<b>hendix</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 3:05am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 06/03/2013 at 3:24pm

tomhl's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of tomhl's badges

tomhl's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

#20104660
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28014) - you deserved it (1987)

On 10/06/2012 at 6:58pm - animals - by banj0 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32057) - you deserved it (5411)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22156) - you deserved it (7503)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20992) - you deserved it (49732)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25614) - you deserved it (3216)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

#20028986
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51448) - you deserved it (3737)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

#19996058
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36932) - you deserved it (6231)

On 08/01/2012 at 5:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML

#19956706
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35787) - you deserved it (3545)

On 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by Awkward - United States (California)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12242) - you deserved it (40233)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

#19933924
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30233) - you deserved it (7356)

On 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML

#19890601
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9413) - you deserved it (34411)

On 07/04/2012 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML

#19703392
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37756) - you deserved it (8980)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Brax (man) - United States

Today, I had to take Viagra. FML

#19671113
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32961) - you deserved it (6931)

On 05/24/2012 at 1:42am - intimacy - by aaah. (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26740) - you deserved it (3028)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

#19547170
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38427) - you deserved it (9249)

On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: