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tomhl's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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tomhl's favorite FMLs
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by clean / 09/16/2013 at 3:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by anon / 09/09/2013 at 11:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by ANON / 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML
by peniswoman / 07/14/2013 at 1:03pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Intimacy
by iLynz / 04/23/2013 at 2:34am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god / 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm / Singapore / Health
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by couch_potato / 03/28/2013 at 3:53am / Intimacy
by Why son, why? / 03/20/2013 at 7:07am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
by fredo / 03/19/2013 at 8:31am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
by WhyDoINeedAName / 03/13/2013 at 3:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…