timtamslam

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Offline (the 12/04/2014 at 5:45am)

timtamslam

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4799
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About timtamslam : .

timtamslam's page activity

Visits<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 09/01/2016 at 12:55am<b>thinlinetele</b> - the 08/15/2016 at 10:46pm<b>TheDarkLight</b> - the 07/22/2016 at 10:30am<b>miss_fluffybutt</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 9:00am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 9:31am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 6:17am<b>constipation</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 1:54pm<b>cooper3991</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 3:17pm<b>rabidbunniez</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:10pm<b>Plastinate</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 6:41pm<b>Jaager</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 7:51pm<b>jalenlounis</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 10:58pm<b>wildsweetchild</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 6:20am<b>kelsorg</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:40am<b>FuhrerBurg</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 12:05am<b>windell</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 11:37pm<b>thisguy184</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 3:33am<b>BrittanyHen</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 12:39pm

Fucked!<b>ruudseriesx</b> - the 09/01/2016 at 6:56am<b>miss_fluffybutt</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 3:00pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/09/2016 at 3:31pm

timtamslam's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of timtamslam's badges

timtamslam's favorite FMLs

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

by adamclmns / 07/16/2011 at 6:52pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

by whyme102008 / 07/13/2011 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML

by lostbandana / 07/02/2011 at 10:15pm / United States / Love

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

by techiefIve / 06/14/2011 at 6:04am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML

by gerligrl97 / 06/12/2011 at 2:50pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

by Maddie110110 / 06/07/2011 at 12:43am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

by Sid / 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

by Almostfunny / 03/16/2011 at 9:01am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my cell phone there and had got a text from a guy saying "Hi, how have you been?" FML

by wtf / 03/14/2011 at 12:07am / Love

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

by rhartnett11 / 02/16/2011 at 7:56am / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

by theish / 02/04/2011 at 9:08am / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

by seepeezy32 / 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm / Intimacy

Today, I realised that my husband's vows were actually the love speech from 'When Harry Met Sally'. This was made even more humiliating when I discovered that he hadn't even come up with the idea himself, he had seen it in an episode of Scrubs. FML

by tina247 / 01/24/2011 at 10:50am / Love