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timtamslam

Offline (the 12/04/2014 at 5:45am) | Search for a member

timtamslam

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3253
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About timtamslam : .

timtamslam's page activity

Visits<b>constipation</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 1:54pm<b>cooper3991</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 3:17pm<b>rabidbunniez</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:10pm<b>Plastinate</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 6:41pm<b>Jaager</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 7:51pm<b>jalenlounis</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 10:58pm<b>wildsweetchild</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 6:20am<b>kelsorg</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:40am<b>FuhrerBurg</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 12:05am<b>windell</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 11:37pm<b>thisguy184</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 3:33am<b>BrittanyHen</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 12:39pm<b>Smorg_z16</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 10:35pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 7:19pm<b>Blue_Black</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 12:56am<b>rob02</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 1:58am<b>mLove395</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 4:52pm<b>Catkam623</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 12:27pm

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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timtamslam's favorite FMLs

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25747) - you deserved it (3323)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8496) - you deserved it (105959)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

#19751282
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23728) - you deserved it (2284)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:09pm - misc - by Rohirus (man) - Sweden

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

#19710621
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19789) - you deserved it (41079)

On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

#19685712
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27694) - you deserved it (1970)

On 05/26/2012 at 9:48pm - misc - by anonymus - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

#19621100
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36214) - you deserved it (5953)

On 05/14/2012 at 6:31am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

#19566058
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11110) - you deserved it (27258)

On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

#19332280
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33453) - you deserved it (4976)

On 03/23/2012 at 11:34am - kids - by Confused (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37149) - you deserved it (5504)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17302) - you deserved it (29710)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

#19156948
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11075) - you deserved it (56763)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

#19000148
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45247) - you deserved it (4673)

On 02/05/2012 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

#18995010
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25047) - you deserved it (2893)

On 02/04/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by wetdreams - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

#18974809
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30724) - you deserved it (2260)

On 02/02/2012 at 5:28am - money - by carssuck - United States

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

#18843444
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30853) - you deserved it (6274)

On 01/18/2012 at 10:29am - health - by partypooper (man) - United Kingdom



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