About timtamslam : .
timtamslam's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
timtamslam's favorite FMLs
by Abendigo77 / 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm / United States (California) / Animals
by Sarah / 01/01/2013 at 10:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
by FMyEx / 12/06/2012 at 6:50am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML
by Sam / 12/02/2012 at 9:05am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML
by Awkward / 12/01/2012 at 5:11pm / Bahrain / Health
Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Monkey / 10/27/2012 at 11:02am / United States / Intimacy
by Kallian / 10/25/2012 at 3:08am / Australia / Money
Today, I tried to tell my best friend how wrong she is to be dating a married man, whose wife happens to be pregnant with their first child. Our talk ended with her calling me a "meddling, frigid bitch" and me being told this is why I can't get laid. FML
by Dillyduzit / 10/20/2012 at 2:50pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/18/2012 at 1:33am / United States / Animals
by L / 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 1:23am / United States / Intimacy
by notthebesttime / 10/13/2012 at 8:04am / Intimacy
Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm / United Kingdom (Wokingham) / Kids
Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML
by disgusted / 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had… Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my… Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full…