Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

timtamslam

Offline (the 09/16/2014 at 7:25am) | Search for a member

timtamslam

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1802
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About timtamslam : .

timtamslam's page activity

Visits<b>Jaager</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 7:51pm<b>jalenlounis</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 10:58pm<b>wildsweetchild</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 6:20am<b>kelsorg</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:40am<b>FuhrerBurg</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 12:05am<b>windell</b> - the 03/23/2014 at 11:37pm<b>thisguy184</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 3:33am<b>BrittanyHen</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 12:39pm<b>Smorg_z16</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 10:35pm<b>flupsht</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 7:19pm<b>Blue_Black</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 12:56am<b>rob02</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 1:58am<b>mLove395</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 4:52pm<b>Catkam623</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 12:27pm<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 7:33pm<b>DeathEchoo</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 11:54am<b>thomas5915</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 8:18pm<b>ohhhhhhhhhyeah</b> - the 05/14/2013 at 1:33am

timtamslam's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of timtamslam's badges

timtamslam's favorite FMLs

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

#20460946
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35784) - you deserved it (7832)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

#20458188
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34163) - you deserved it (6175)

On 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm - animals - by Abendigo77 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

#20436006
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45154) - you deserved it (5090)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:15am - misc - by Sarah - United States

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

#20193528
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24060) - you deserved it (4105)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50am - love - by FMyEx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

#20187746
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21563) - you deserved it (1876)

On 12/02/2012 at 9:05am - misc - by Sam - United States (Indiana)

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

#20186892
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9592) - you deserved it (27219)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:11pm - health - by Awkward (woman) - Bahrain

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

#20177662
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17738) - you deserved it (7160)

On 11/25/2012 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49507) - you deserved it (2605)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

Today, I tried to tell my best friend how wrong she is to be dating a married man, whose wife happens to be pregnant with their first child. Our talk ended with her calling me a "meddling, frigid bitch" and me being told this is why I can't get laid. FML

#20125357
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24773) - you deserved it (2331)

On 10/20/2012 at 2:50pm - misc - by Dillyduzit (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

#20122007
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16568) - you deserved it (4825)

On 10/18/2012 at 1:33am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (6123)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

#20119129
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9853) - you deserved it (59928)

On 10/16/2012 at 1:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

#20114701
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33537) - you deserved it (3180)

On 10/13/2012 at 8:04am - intimacy - by notthebesttime -

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

#20102964
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25687) - you deserved it (9125)

On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: