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timtamslam

Offline (the 12/04/2014 at 5:45am) | Search for a member

timtamslam

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2691
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About timtamslam : .

timtamslam's page activity

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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timtamslam's favorite FMLs

 Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

#7078768
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26529) - you deserved it (2943)

On 01/01/2010 at 8:03am - animals - by grosssss (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

#7022853
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35942) - you deserved it (3363)

On 12/29/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by sickofsick - United States

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

#6989105
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9175) - you deserved it (33415)

On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29020) - you deserved it (7021)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

#6612608
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19839) - you deserved it (2597)

On 12/05/2009 at 4:07am - intimacy - by lastalittlelonger (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

#6436745
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39926) - you deserved it (3117)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by bmonehh (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

#6356025
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18044) - you deserved it (7510)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:35pm - intimacy - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and legitimately broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

#6280011
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34718) - you deserved it (1978)

On 11/12/2009 at 9:43pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow, I'm supposed to be leaving for Paris with my college abstinence group for a year. FML

#6247099
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10985) - you deserved it (74076)

On 11/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

#6147430
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33974) - you deserved it (4172)

On 11/04/2009 at 3:44am - misc - by ishouldhidethekeys (woman) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

#6035078
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15529) - you deserved it (31840)

On 10/28/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

#6035078
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15529) - you deserved it (31840)

On 10/28/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, a man came up to me asking for my name. Thinking he was trying to hit on me, I rudely gave him a fake name. He thanked me and walked away. I continued to watch him leaving until I saw him ask another woman for her name and took out a wallet and showed it to her. It was my lost wallet. FML

#6019106
134 comments

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

#5554431
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6757) - you deserved it (29355)

On 09/29/2009 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by pummy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

#5522422
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68550) - you deserved it (9247)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:15am - misc - by ripfluffy (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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