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timtamslam

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timtamslam
  • Town/Country : Tasmania, Australia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1073
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About timtamslam : .

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timtamslam's favorite FMLs

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

#11528096
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29635) - you deserved it (11160)

On 06/28/2010 at 10:21pm - work - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML

#10433872
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34654) - you deserved it (9198)

On 05/09/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by imustbegay - United States

Today, I just realized the harder my girlfriend comes during sex, the louder she snores after. I've tried earplugs but sometimes, like tonight, once I am up, I can't fall back to sleep. My choices are thus great sex and no sleep, or great sleep but no sex. FML

#10398806
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31767) - you deserved it (4025)

On 05/07/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by SkiMaskFukd (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19629) - you deserved it (8857)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML

#8968653
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7611) - you deserved it (21654)

On 03/10/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by RyanM (man) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

#8902353
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15392) - you deserved it (1818)

On 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm - work - by liz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

#8265301
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17093) - you deserved it (4589)

On 02/14/2010 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by klsdhjla (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't answer his phone last night. He was hanging out with our mutual friend all night. She had been texting me all night about what great sex she was having. My boyfriend was the only person there besides her brother. FML

#7906309
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24402) - you deserved it (1720)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:01pm - intimacy - by michelle - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

#7518795
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29980) - you deserved it (5372)

On 01/23/2010 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

#7300366
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7776) - you deserved it (23992)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by loveade11 - Sent from mobile version

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

#7295020
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6818) - you deserved it (16873)

On 01/12/2010 at 2:45am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

#7211389
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24585) - you deserved it (3283)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:30am - misc - by snickerdoodles - Sent from mobile version

 Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

#7078768
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21208) - you deserved it (2160)

On 01/01/2010 at 8:03am - animals - by grosssss (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

#7022853
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33120) - you deserved it (3118)

On 12/29/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by sickofsick - United States



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