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timtamslam's favorite FMLs
Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML
by Username / 12/13/2010 at 1:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 9:13am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML
by anonymous-canada / 12/07/2010 at 12:28am / Work
Today, my boyfriend left me for my step-sister. He's been cheating on me with her for the past 6 months, and got her pregnant. I also found out that my stomach pains are due to the fact that I'm also pregnant. My family could officially qualify for Jerry Springer. FML
Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 2:02am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by smiles22 / 11/27/2010 at 1:38am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals
Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML
by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 7:45am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 7:25am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML
by joshualover / 09/22/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
by Me / 09/10/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML
by Myself / 09/06/2010 at 6:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
by car / 08/21/2010 at 1:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money
by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…