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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1824
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About timotay89 : Favorite TV show is Doctor Who.

timotay89's page activity

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Fucked!<b>manlytarts</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:44am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 6:11pm

timotay89's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of timotay89's badges

timotay89's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

by tara22 / 04/27/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

by yuckspider / 04/19/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

by Safe / 04/17/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

by badmom / 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

by rutho / 03/27/2009 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

by Moanie / 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 4:03pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

by EPICfml. / 03/02/2009 at 2:01pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

by feenix89 / 02/09/2009 at 6:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

by titou / 01/04/2009 at 10:33pm / Love

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

by Sugao / 12/10/2008 at 2:48am / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend doesn't know if he should break up with me because he loves me too much, or to stay with me and make me suffer. I have no clue as to what's going on in his head. FML

by froulita / 10/31/2008 at 2:08am / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Love