timotay89

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timotay89

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1655
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About timotay89 : Favorite TV show is Doctor Who.

timotay89's page activity

Visits<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 12:10pm<b>dubby21</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 9:31am<b>missa8604</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 7:39am<b>dontmindme7</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 11:18am<b>mineller</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 7:57am<b>kingshelly</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 6:11am<b>kaymo2</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 7:07am<b>melisssa87</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 2:37pm<b>manlytarts</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 5:44am<b>Marshmallowjello</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 9:30pm<b>els2010</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 6:45am<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 11:19am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 12:11pm<b>boobear511</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 3:01pm<b>PicanteSeed</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 7:55am<b>wookieewhosshe</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 6:13pm<b>brookenicolee29</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 3:38pm<b>LilDuck17</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 2:12pm

Fucked!<b>manlytarts</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:44am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 6:11pm

timotay89's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of timotay89's badges

timotay89's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

by Cpt Colin / 01/03/2012 at 2:17am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my finger for the first time, he started moving it up and down my finger and making loud sex sounds, completely ruining the romantic moment. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

by ouch / 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

by ohsnap / 01/22/2011 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 7:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

by lonely / 04/11/2010 at 8:27pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my physics teacher accidentally lit me on fire. FML

by human torch / 03/18/2010 at 11:22am / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

by Ben / 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

by oopsies / 01/07/2010 at 8:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy