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timotay89

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timotay89
  • Town/Country : Cranston, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 524
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About timotay89 : Favorite TV show is Doctor Who.

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timotay89's favorite FMLs

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

#19928978
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31152) - you deserved it (2626)

On 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm - misc - by LetItRip - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35069) - you deserved it (3815)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35069) - you deserved it (3815)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

#18693659
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30139) - you deserved it (4874)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Cpt Colin (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend bought me a gorgeous ring that I fell in love with. As he slid the ring on my finger for the first time, he started moving it up and down my finger and making loud sex sounds, completely ruining the romantic moment. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41779) - you deserved it (14373)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

#14675565
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28151) - you deserved it (4889)

On 01/22/2011 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by ohsnap (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

#13132035
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32194) - you deserved it (6041)

On 09/20/2010 at 7:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

#9812049
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24438) - you deserved it (6448)

On 04/11/2010 at 8:27pm - misc - by lonely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14667) - you deserved it (4005)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

#7870282
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23881) - you deserved it (7019)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:29am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

#7556761
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15586) - you deserved it (39855)

On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

#7204414
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18763) - you deserved it (4115)

On 01/07/2010 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by oopsies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

#7124750
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6803) - you deserved it (15750)

On 01/03/2010 at 11:40am - intimacy - by grounded (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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