About tim374 : I usually just read FMLs on here and then the comments sometimes.
Perfectionist
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65853) - you deserved it (162914)
On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13499) - you deserved it (164057)
On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22578) - you deserved it (187071)
On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8240) - you deserved it (156069)
On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9531) - you deserved it (167388)
On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19860) - you deserved it (197541)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14110) - you deserved it (169829)
On 04/28/2009 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11160) - you deserved it (163993)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25864) - you deserved it (228489)
On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64278) - you deserved it (158473)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20523) - you deserved it (350730)
On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46763) - you deserved it (127806)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12154) - you deserved it (187986)
On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States
Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML
I agree, your life sucks (28096) - you deserved it (124503)
On 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11439) - you deserved it (144885)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by ashleyevans (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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