thisthisthis

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thisthisthis

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  • Number of visits : 1169
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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thisthisthis's FML badges

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thisthisthis's favorite FMLs

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

by theregoesmyspermcount / 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

by mvp / 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

by Sally / 07/24/2009 at 5:04am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML

by vanguardwiley / 07/24/2009 at 2:40am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

by Ella / 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

by Prego my ego / 07/23/2009 at 1:39pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

by PokeTheBear / 07/22/2009 at 5:09pm / Canada / Work

Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML

by sexychica / 07/21/2009 at 1:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

by KnuckleSandwich / 07/20/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

by jennybrev / 07/13/2009 at 5:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

by Matt / 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

by whatrights / 07/12/2009 at 4:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

by whatrights / 07/12/2009 at 4:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

by robinhoood / 07/12/2009 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy