About thisiscat : You've gotta be kitten me, right meow.
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thisiscat's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 8:56pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
by TheMissMuffly / 07/31/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and losing some weight. As I did so, I unknowingly reached for a giant bag of chips and ate the whole thing. Now, I have stopped daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressed. And I'm all out of chips. FML
by daydreamer / 07/29/2012 at 1:12am / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML
by Raaaaage / 07/22/2012 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML
by owwwww / 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by oops123 / 07/16/2012 at 10:38am / United States / Kids
Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 6:47pm / United States / Work
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm / Nigeria (Lagos) / Miscellaneous
by zstarr / 07/14/2012 at 7:15am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML
by anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 1:06am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by failure / 07/12/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by hotpatata / 07/06/2012 at 11:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding. I was the first one to walk down the aisle, where I managed to trip over a wire, shutting off the music and falling on my face. My family cheered and took pictures. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2012 at 6:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by lazy pregnant girl / 07/05/2012 at 3:34pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
- Today, we were given an essay topic in English. The assignment involves us picking a politician by… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I play softball and we use eye black because it helps block out the glare. I sat down at my…