About thisiscat : You've gotta be kitten me, right meow.
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thisiscat's favorite FMLs
by JMG / 08/19/2012 at 1:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML
by sal / 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML
by yoggabe / 08/18/2012 at 4:34pm / Mexico (Tabasco) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/12/2012 at 7:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
by mikeissad / 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 10:20am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:33am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML
by banana2894 / 08/10/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by FutureMarine3658 / 08/08/2012 at 10:00am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by Heinz / 08/08/2012 at 12:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by Kelly / 08/02/2012 at 4:11am / United States (California) / Love
by Unwanted / 08/02/2012 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had… Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat… Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that…